My Walk with God

"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" Matthew 22:37-39

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.  Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God; This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.  This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.  Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." 1 John 4:7;9-12

I've used this blog to write about my struggles and lessons from walking with Christ, however God has been putting it on my heart that I haven't shared my testimony, or my story, in a while.  Sharing my testimony is something that I had to do when I first found small groups and when I was baptized.  I've shared the short version a few times with people who have wondered about it, but I haven't shared it in full in over a year.  So here it is, now you can know the person behind the writing.

Before Christ
I was born to amazing parents in Metro-Detroit who have always been supportive, helpful, and have provided more than enough laughs and memories.  I'm the oldest of three, and I shared my parents' love with my sister and brother whom I dearly love.  I would describe my family life as being very happy, and I've wanted for nothing as my dad works a good job and my mom was able to stay home and raise us.  Family and education were valued.   However, one thing my family never did was go to church.  I believed there was a higher being, perhaps God, but I didn't understand (nor did I care to try) the whole Jesus thing.  I also believed that being a Christian and going to church was only for those who had a harder time dealing with life.  I thought I was strong enough to go through life without it.

When my great-grandfather died I heard about salvation for the first time.  The pastor shared that my great-grandfather's greatest wish was for his family to be saved.  At 14 years old I didn't really understand what that meant.  When I asked my mom she said that my great-grandparents believed that we would go to hell if we didn't accept Jesus and were "saved".  This hurt me as, from my perspective, I didn't see how I wouldn't go to heaven.  Overall I was a good kid, so how could I go to hell?  This realization pushed me away from church and God.

After graduating from high school I attended my dream school, Michigan State University, to earn a degree in Elementary Education.  Don't ask me why, but I always wanted to be a Spartan.  I had also been determined, since childhood, to become an elementary school teacher.  In my first week as a Spartan I met my best friend!  She was different from the other friends I'd had before, and I liked how she always cared about me and accepted me for who I was.  I didn't have to worry about her going behind my back or doing something to purposely hurt me.  However, as a freshmen, I could tell she was one of the more popular girls who would go out to parties with friends, drink, and smoke.  To me she seemed like a typical college girl, just very friendly toward me.

In my Junior year of college I realized that my best friend was becoming a different person, in a good way.  She didn't go out partying as much and she spent more time going to a church near campus.  She seemed happier, and I couldn't put my finger on what was going on.  Our Senior year we ended up getting an apartment together, where I witnessed more of her changes.

Early in my Senior year of college I heard of the unexpected death of someone I knew of in high school.  She was doing her student teaching (what I would be doing the next year) when she died of an aneurism (I believe).  That information, mixed with my innate ability to worry, started me down a very dark path for the year.  I became a hypochondriac, afraid that I had cancer or could die at any time.  I also became afraid of things like nuclear war and the sudden end of the world.  Thoughts of what it would be like to die were prominent in my mind.  I could hide these intense fears well, but I knew that I was not living a quality life.  Looking back, I don't know why I didn't seek help.

It was also at this time that my friend became more bold with sharing her church life with me.  We would have talks about Jesus and the Bible, which I had believed could've been written by men who were high and making stuff up.  However, the changes that were happening within my friend was something I couldn't deny, and I knew it was linked to the Jesus stuff.  Close to graduation, my friend and her step-father (who is extremely educated in biblical history) shared with me some of the bibles' history and some of the evidence that showed that there was nothing definitive proving there was no God, and that there was (and is) still too much in question that science cannot definitively answer.

Accepting Christ
Shortly after graduating with my bachelors degree in Elementary Education, I was in the process of moving home.  I was still wrestling with the intense fears I'd been having when my friend gave me a copy of the New Testament.  While reading it I realized how tiring it was to be in control of my own life, and that I had no idea what was best for me.  I was also scared because, after student teaching, I had no idea where life would take me.  It was a late June afternoon in 2011 that I chose to surrender my life to Jesus.  That summer I read through all of the New Testament (minus Revelations, my friend said that is a tough book to read) and cut out swearing (for the most part).  I was also working to be kind towards my friends and family.

When student teaching started I quickly lost the joy of my new found salvation amidst the graduate level coursework and the teaching workload.  Soon I found myself back in a dark and lonely place, living back where I had grown up with only a few friends nearby (who were just as busy as I was).  One January night I decided to go out with my best friend and a couple of her friends.  Everyone was dressing up but I was just not feeling it.  I didn't like any of my dresses and just didn't feel like seeing people.  When I finally did get out of the house, I was annoyed because I barely knew anyone and I didn't get to spend enough time with my friend.  I left that night without telling her I was going.  But before I left, another friend of mine told me that she was attending a church called Woodside that she really liked.

I didn't think much about that church until a few weeks later when God made it clear to me that I needed community to help me learn about God.  I messaged the girl who told me about it on Facebook to ask her about Woodside and she invited me to join her for their Sunday night Young Adults service called Lighthouse.  I took her up on the offer and went to check it out.  I was amazed by how exciting the music was and how the message really spoke to me.  I was thrilled when they told us that we could join small groups to get to know other people.  I signed up that night and found myself a part of a great group comprised of women who shared completely life changing stories of their experiences with God.  They were so kind and welcomed me, and I was amazed.  I started attending church (especially the Lighthouse services) more regularly and about a month later I signed up to be baptized.

About a month before my baptism I went to the Lighthouse Good Friday service.  They had opened the event up to all young adults in the area.  I went with one of the girls from my group who said she was meeting up with some of her friends.  It was there that I met two men who I later learned had a co-ed small group and they invited me to come.  I told my best friend, who was looking for a Christian group to join since moving home from school, to come check it out with me.  Within a summer I had a group of amazing friends who are still very dear to me today.

On May 20th, 2012 I was baptized at Woodside Bible Church.  My parents, along with my best friend and her family, watched and supported me.  It was an amazing experience.


What I've Learned About God

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'" Jeremiah 29:11-13
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life; and have it to the full." John 10:10

I have learned so much about God, Jesus, and faith in my walk so far.  One of the biggest things I learned about God happened in the summer of 2012.  I was doing a book study of Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge with the girls in my small group, a book that has and continues to change my life as a woman of God, when I learned that God doesn't just want to save us, that's not the only reason why Jesus came and died on the cross to defeat the grave.  It started with this verse:

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn, 
and provide for those who grieve in Zion-
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair." Isaiah 61:1-3

The authors explained it in clearer terms to say:
"God has sent me on a mission.  I have some great news for you.  God has sent me to restore and release something, and that something is you.  I am here to give you back your heart and set you free.  I am furious at the Enemy who did this to you, and I will fight against him.  Let me comfort you.  For, dear one, I will bestow beauty upon you where you have known only devastation, joy, in the places of your deep sorrow.  And I will robe your heart in thankful praise in exchange for your resignation and despair." Captivating, pg. 96

This helped me to understand that there was more to Jesus than just salvation and good teaching.  He didn't just care about where I ended up, He cares about who I am right now.  He wants to take on my pain, my sorrow, my mistakes, my anxiety, my anger, etc.  He wants to heal me and perfect me in His image!  It was from knowing this that I realized that God doesn't just want my soul, He wants a relationship with me, He wants a relationship with everyone!  And this view has made all the difference!  People sometimes ask me how I know God is real.  It's not because of science (which I believe is how we explore God's creation) or theological proof.  My faith in God can never be shaken because I've experienced a relationship as real as the ones I have with my family, friends, and eventually my spouse.  Once you've experienced how much God loves you, pursues you, fights for you, soothes you, comforts you, and counsels you then you know God is real!  I can't go back, and I don't want to!  My life verse, at this point in my life, is:

'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" Matthew 22:37-39

God has done amazing things in my life, and I have total faith that He will continue to, for His Word says "Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6)."

Thank you for reading my testimony!  I give God all the praise!

Through the Eyes of the World

Months ago my best friend wrote something that the Spirit guided her to write and she shared it with me!  I thought it was absolutely beautiful and, when I started this blog, I asked her if she wouldn't mind if I shared it.  So the following is written by my beautiful, amazing, and Godly friend Emily Rippetoe!  May you be encouraged by it.

Through the Eyes of the World

By Emily Rippetoe

Through the eyes of the world, I am not pretty enough.
My hair is not blond enough or dark enough.
It's too short an doesn't have enough body.
Through the eyes of the world my eyes are not fair enough, my skin is not tan enough and I am not skini enough.
I don't have a perfect body and there is fat in places I don't want there to be.
Through the eyes of the world, I am too tall or not tall enough.
I don't dress stylishly enough and the clothes I have don't cost enough.
Through the eyes of the world, I am just another average girl who is never enough to be noticed at all.

But through the eyes of the Lord, I am all of these things:
I am the perfect height. My body is shaped exactly as He designed it and my style is all my own.
Through the eyes of the Lord, my hair is a beautiful shade of rich, warm brown and my eyes dance and smile with a warmth and a light that is unlike any other.
My skin is smooth and creamy and picks up a beautiful glow in the sun.
In the eyes of the Lord, I have curves in all the right places and my height makes me elegent, not awkward.

In the eyes of the Lord, I am so much more than my looks or my appearance.
I am my smile, my light and my love for life.
I am my heart for people, my passion for justice, and a beautiful reflection of God's grace.
In the eyes of the Lord, I am exactly the way I am supposed to be.
God made no mistake when he made me.
I am beautiful.
I am stunning.
I am beyond compare.
And in the eyes of the Lord, I am perfect.

Seeking God's Best

"I just want the best that God has for me," I declared one day to a close friend.  It had been a year and a half of agonizing toil laced with near debilitating anxiety about whether or not I should follow through and marry the man I had been with.  He was a nice, loving, and fun christian man, but I couldn't help feeling like I was missing something for it to be THAT relationship, the one that vows till death do us part.  The question that had been gripping me was "Is this God's will for my life?"  I brought it up to many of my friends, some of which explained to me that God gives us choices, and He will honor our choices as long as we make those choices with Him at the forefront.  I read articles and books on the topic of God's Will, and even sat through several church services about this topic.  However, I was still confused.  I was making the choice to marry with God at the forefront, but the doubts and anxiety still attacked me.

Finally it hit me when I was talking with a dear friend what I really wanted.  God gives us choices, but we can make the choice to seek Him for His best!  So I decided to call off the relationship with my then-fiancee and seek God as a single woman for the first time in 2 years.  The anxiety fell away as I reached closer and closer to God, and I made the decision, from that point on, to seek God's best in my life.

So what does this look like?  It means giving God full control over the biggest and smallest areas of our lives and trusting Him to come through for us.  Since I broke up with my ex, I've started praying for my husband, prayers for certain characteristics and a love for Jesus and others, and a heart for family.  I also pray for God to give me His best, and to develop me into my husbands' best!  I've also started living a life honoring both to him and Jesus by staying away from exclusive hangouts with men and keeping myself pure of mind and body.  As another means of preparing myself for my husband and serving my Lord, I've placed my focus in loving the friends and family around me that God has blessed me with, friends and family that are definitely God's best for me!

My current area of asking for God's best is in terms of my career.  Currently I'm studying for my masters in counseling.  I knew I was in the right program, but with so many areas I could go into I wasn't sure where would be best for me.  So I turned to God for His best and He's been leading me.  I don't know exactly what it is yet, but I know that it's something that will allow me to separate work and home life so I can serve in church and be a good wife and mother (if that's what God calls me to, which I believe it is).  I feel like He's saying to me, "Don't let your job be your identity, and don't think that what I'm asking you to do career wise is small.  You will do bigger things, but not necessarily for money."  And so once more I trust Him, knowing that I've asked for God's best and trusting Him to give me just that!  I look forward to updating you when that happens, but for now I can say that my choice to trust God and be single once more was God's best in my life, and I know this season will not go wasted.

Remember, you have choices, but you can either choose what you think is best or to trust God on what He knows is best.  Choose wisely, and know that God loves you no matter what you choose!