"I just want the best that God has for me," I declared one day to a close friend. It had been a year and a half of agonizing toil laced with near debilitating anxiety about whether or not I should follow through and marry the man I had been with. He was a nice, loving, and fun christian man, but I couldn't help feeling like I was missing something for it to be THAT relationship, the one that vows till death do us part. The question that had been gripping me was "Is this God's will for my life?" I brought it up to many of my friends, some of which explained to me that God gives us choices, and He will honor our choices as long as we make those choices with Him at the forefront. I read articles and books on the topic of God's Will, and even sat through several church services about this topic. However, I was still confused. I was making the choice to marry with God at the forefront, but the doubts and anxiety still attacked me.
Finally it hit me when I was talking with a dear friend what I really wanted. God gives us choices, but we can make the choice to seek Him for His best! So I decided to call off the relationship with my then-fiancee and seek God as a single woman for the first time in 2 years. The anxiety fell away as I reached closer and closer to God, and I made the decision, from that point on, to seek God's best in my life.
So what does this look like? It means giving God full control over the biggest and smallest areas of our lives and trusting Him to come through for us. Since I broke up with my ex, I've started praying for my husband, prayers for certain characteristics and a love for Jesus and others, and a heart for family. I also pray for God to give me His best, and to develop me into my husbands' best! I've also started living a life honoring both to him and Jesus by staying away from exclusive hangouts with men and keeping myself pure of mind and body. As another means of preparing myself for my husband and serving my Lord, I've placed my focus in loving the friends and family around me that God has blessed me with, friends and family that are definitely God's best for me!
My current area of asking for God's best is in terms of my career. Currently I'm studying for my masters in counseling. I knew I was in the right program, but with so many areas I could go into I wasn't sure where would be best for me. So I turned to God for His best and He's been leading me. I don't know exactly what it is yet, but I know that it's something that will allow me to separate work and home life so I can serve in church and be a good wife and mother (if that's what God calls me to, which I believe it is). I feel like He's saying to me, "Don't let your job be your identity, and don't think that what I'm asking you to do career wise is small. You will do bigger things, but not necessarily for money." And so once more I trust Him, knowing that I've asked for God's best and trusting Him to give me just that! I look forward to updating you when that happens, but for now I can say that my choice to trust God and be single once more was God's best in my life, and I know this season will not go wasted.
Remember, you have choices, but you can either choose what you think is best or to trust God on what He knows is best. Choose wisely, and know that God loves you no matter what you choose!
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