I've been single twice in my life now; pretty much all of my childhood up to August 2012 and then July 2014 to the present. In my time of singleness I've noticed how there really is a negative stigma on being single, especially for the female gender. Sure, men get their fair share too, but the girls really have it tough. You see, the world tells us that we're valuable if we can get a guy to like us enough to date us and marry us. If you're single it must mean that you don't have anything to offer men, I mean, why can't you get a guy to like you? So as women we grow up making it our main mission to "find a man". You can tell by all the time both younger and older women spend talking about men, deciphering what they said or did, and evaluating our performance in luring them in. We're asked at weddings and family gatherings, "So, are you seeing anyone? When will it be your turn?" And singleness is often thought to be synonymous with lonely. Even in the church you will sometimes see this. How do I know? The first time I was single I was right there with them. I saw all the girls around me with boyfriends and wondered what they had that I didn't. I dreamed of the day I would be swept off my feet and felt bitter toward all the girls who had what I didn't. My standards weren't even that high because I thought, "I'll be valuable if I can get a guy to like me". I faired better after coming to know Christ, but I still struggled with this.
This time around I've had my struggles, but ultimately I feel much better because I know two very important things:
1) My value doesn't come from having a man, a job, a house, money, clothes, friends, etc. My value comes from Jesus, and He thought I was to die for! He loves me more than anyone ever could and He knows the real me more than anyone ever will!
2) Sure, singles experience loneliness from time to time, but so do those who are coupled up or married. Single does not equal lonely just like married does not always equal happy.
We seem to believe that being married is the ultimate goal while forgetting that God made singleness as wonderful of a gift as marriage. One is not better than the other, especially when you're following Jesus. Paul even says in 1 Corinthians 7:26-28;32-34, "I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife... Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that... I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband." I can definitely say from my own experience that I have had an easier time focusing on God as a single woman pursuing a relationship with Christ than as a woman in a relationship. God has been able to do so much more in and through me whilst single than when I was in a relationship!
Marriage, like singleness, is a gift from the Lord, He created it! I'm not saying it's bad and that everyone should desire to be single. However, we need to remember that God didn't create marriage to be an idol to our culture and society. When people desire marriage so they can wear the pretty dress, have the big ring, and throw the biggest party of their lives then we have a problem. When people get married thinking they no longer have to be lonely, well, we still have a problem. The worst offender in the church is people who get married so they can have sex without sinning. Marriage can be a gift or it can be a ticking bomb, and this all depends on our reasons for desiring/getting married.
Yes, I still desire marriage someday, even though I'm enjoying being single and set aside for the Lord right now. However, I refuse to get married for any reason other than bringing God glory and experiencing a more physical embodiment of His love for me. I refuse to get married because of the pressure that society puts on me, or because I want it. The marriage that would follow would leave me more lonely and distressed than singleness ever has. Last year I learned a lesson, one I was fortunate enough to learn before becoming a part of a covenant of marriage when God said, "Not yet". My reasons for wanting to get married then were much more worldly. I didn't want to be lonely and I wanted to do what my friends were doing (I didn't want to get left behind). I know that at the right time God will fulfill His promise to me, and it will allow me to grow emotionally and spiritually as much or more than how much I've grown single. The right relationship will deepen my relationship with my savior. Until then, I will walk hand in hand with Jesus and learn all that he wants me to!
In this last year of singleness I can definitely say that being single with Jesus is amazing, I would choose it over and over again! If you're single right now and find yourself absolutely hating it then I encourage you to turn to the One who loves and values you more than any man or woman ever could. I hope that you'll ask Him to use this season in your life for something amazing! Maybe you have more to learn about yourself, maybe He wants to send you somewhere, maybe He wants to sweep you off your feet to show you how loved and valued you are! Your time being single with Jesus will not be wasted, and I know that someday you'll look back and be thankful for it. Remember, marriage isn't a prize, you aren't missing out on something just because you don't have that special someone. Talk to the coupled up people around you and hear their struggles and you might just find yourself thankful for your single status. God created the gift of marriage, but He also created the gift of singleness. Singleness doesn't mean that you're alone, it means that you're putting all of your focus, faith, and love into Jesus; with Jesus you'll NEVER be alone!
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