Steps of Faith

When I first became a Christian at 22 years old, I believed that my transformation would be a big immediate one.  When this didn't happen, I began to wrestle with my faith.  Was God there?  Didn't He want something more for me?  Do I have the Spirit I was promised?  I can honestly say that it added to some of my anxiety.  I wanted a change for the better, and I wanted it now.  Someone recently told me, "The root of anxiety is perfection".  It's so true for me, most of my anxiety stems from my desire to be perfect.  I want to be the perfect Christian, perfect worker, perfect wife, perfect person.  I've put so much unnecessary pressure on myself in my desire to get closer to "perfect".  So when my anxiety started to get persistent and difficult to deal with I wanted to get fixed fast.  I looked for whatever I had to do to get rid of it, to get my personality closer to perfect.  I tried prayers, books, fasting, diet change, etc.  Nothing would get rid of it.

During my fast with my fiancee a few weeks ago, my amazing man said something to me that stuck, "You have to step out with faith, you need to take the leap and trust God."  I had to trust that everything would be ok and that God had me.  It worked really well for about a week, and then I began to falter when fighting symptoms of anxiety.  God then showed me that stepping out in faith isn't a one time fix, I have to make the choice daily to walk in faith and trust God above all else.  I have to give Him my worries and then be still, knowing that He is God (Psalm 46:10).

This also means letting go of my desire for perfection.  Only one person is perfect, Jesus.  I can become more Christ-like by walking in faith, but I will never become Christ.  2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."  Christ covers my weaknesses and imperfections in His strengths.  I should delight in being imperfect because it shines Christ's power.  Everyday I need to let go of my desire to be as perfect as I can be, and focus on Christ and His amazing perfection which covers my weaknesses.

So be still, don't strive, and let Christ cover your weaknesses and gain your strength through Him.  He is God, and He knows what He's doing!