Moments after the ball dropped signaling the start of 2014 I got engaged to the man that God gave to me and asked me to love him and be a helper to him for the rest of our days! As many newly engaged women do, a day or two after the question is asked and people are made aware, they turn to wedding magazines and the wedding section on Pintrest to seek ideas for their big day (I will not judge the pinners as I may or may not have 311 pins currently on my wedding board). I joined the masses of women and started looking at wedding magazines and, to my surprise, found myself irked and annoyed. Many of the articles I read talked about how it's your big day, it's your chance to feel like a princess, have the wedding of your dreams, it's ok to be a little selfish because it's your day, etc. etc. It quickly became clear why some women can't wait to get married, and while I can understand the desire to have a day where the focus can be on you after you spend so much time focusing on others, I believe it's a trap.
I quickly realized that God was showing me that this wedding won't be my day, or my fiancee's day, but God's day! Mark 12:25, 27 says, "When the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven... He is not the God of the dead, but of the living. (NIV)" This is about God, not about marriage as it will not even be present in heaven except for our marriage to Christ. The church that my fiancee and I are getting married at describes a wedding as a worship service, an opportunity to share and celebrate God and what he's done for us. I really like this idea. As I continued to consider all this, I shared with my fiancee that I want our wedding to be about celebrating God and sharing love with those we care about, not about us, to which he agreed with me without hesitation (I do love him!).
Fast forward a few months. My mother and I were walking around the mall together and talking as we normally do when she asked if we could bring my grandmother with us when we go wedding dress shopping. I was so glad that she shared this idea and I said I would love to bring her. You see, my grandmother was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gerig's Disease) in December and we realized our time with her was limited. God showed me that my dress shopping experience should be an opportunity to build a memory with her, enjoy her (and my sister and mother's) company, and make my grandmother feel special, and that this was exponentially more important than finding THE DRESS. Even this past weekend I had a gathering with my bridesmaids to give them all an opportunity to get to know one another and have some fun. My sister and wonderful Maid of Honor put together an amazing spread of desserts, and she and two of my friends planned some games for us to play. The evening was filled with laughter and vulnerability as all of the girls opened up about themselves, even sharing some of what God was working on in them. It was everything I could want, people building relationships with each other and an opportunity for me to get closer with my five beautiful bridesmaids (oh how I'm looking forward to all the festivities with them). It was a celebration of them and what they mean to me, NOT a celebration of my status as a bride. Despite being told not to worry about lifting a finger for set up (even after all my asking to help), I helped clean up the event and thanked each girl for coming, with a special thank you to my sister for the wonderful night she'd planned.
What does all this sharing about myself and my wedding planning have to do with God and weddings? These experiences have shown me the kind of bride I want to be. I don't want to be a bride that gets the day of her dreams or the one that simply tells everyone about God. I want to be a serving bride, one who serves those participating in the wedding rather than having everyone serve her, one who puts more emphasis on building memories and loving those around her than desiring attention. In other words, I want to be a Galatians 5:13 bride: "You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.(NIV)" Wouldn't it be amazing to see wedding articles more focused on loving your guests and making them feel special rather than showing them your amazing planning and decoration skills? Wouldn't it be great to read about how to make God a priority and understanding the true meaning of a wedding rather than getting your fairy tale? Wouldn't it be great not to find shows like Bridezillas on TV (even though they can be our guilty pleasure)? As servants of God given freedom from sin thanks to the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, isn't it only fitting that we serve others on a daily basis and even more so when celebrating the beginning of a marriage, which God has given to us as a holy gift, and for the bride and groom to be THE examples of serving, giving, and loving like Christ? This is the kind of bride I'm choosing to be with God's help, and I hope my groom will choose the same. Whether you're married, engaged, or still waiting for God to bring you the right person, I encourage you to consider using your position to serve humbly and appreciate your family and friends, to share God's love and celebrate what He's done for you. If you have any suggestions on how to be a humbly serving bride, I'd love to hear them (those magazines aren't too helpful)! God bless you :)
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