Yesterday, on a beautiful autumn day filled with sunshine, I walked along the road in my neighborhood. Only, my emotions were not lining up with the day. I felt so alone after spending the day with friends, many of whom were coupled up. It's been about 2 months now since I called off my engagement, and overall God has been using it to do amazing things in my life. However, my desire for my husband is still strong. I had been doing so well in my walk until a few days ago, including this particular day. I knew I'd hit a bump in the road eventually, it was only a matter of time. And on this day, as I walked along the road with shoulders slumped and a heavy weight on my heart, I felt alone.
Many of my christian friends have said that God needs to be enough for us, He is the only one who can provide exactly what we need. I've even preached it myself a few times. And now I needed to know that this was the truth. And so I prayed:
"God, you've said that you are enough for me, you are the portion I need. Please show me right now that you are just that, please reveal to me your presence and love. I need to know that you are enough. I need you."
I pleaded and I hoped. I waited for God to come through on His word. I kept walking in silence, and with each step I felt hope begin to stir inside me. Slowly, God began to show me all the ways He had come through for me, how He showed He knows me better than I know myself. And I once again heard His whispered promise that I would have a marriage and family and that it would be worth the wait. And even more than that, I felt His smile and the reassurance of His love for me. And so I said, "God, I trust you. I don't know how everything works out, and you and I both know that I don't know what's best for me. So I trust you and have faith that you will come through on your promises for me." And I knew in that moment that He loved me, and was proud of me for the faith I was showing in Him. He won't forget me, I know it full well. Once again He came through, He showed up to help His dear princess. My loneliness melted away and I felt that peace and confidence taking it's place once more. I know that in His timing He will bring me the desire of my heart which He has placed there. And even then I know that He is enough, and He always will be!
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Saturday, September 20, 2014
You Are Beautiful
The other day was absolutely lovely. The sky was a clear blue, there was a slight breeze, and the sun was shining brightly. It was so beautiful, in fact, that when I had my break at work I just had to go out and be a part of it! So I took a walk and put my mind on God's beauty and, as it would turn out, that was the topic He wanted me to meditate on.
God has been teaching me a lot about beauty lately. I've been making it a point to slow down during the day and take in the goodness of the nature He's created, and I absolutely love sitting at the piano and putting a series of chords together and hearing the beautiful music that resonates throughout the house. But the best kind of beauty I've found is the one that He's shown me in myself! For a girl who could never wrap her mind around the word "beautiful" as belonging to her, this is a big step. At first I thought it was a mistake, but when we're talking about God we quickly learn that He's the only one that doesn't make mistakes. And in the past two months He's blessed me with a peace and confidence in my beauty that now I can't describe myself any other way. Sure, I'm not perfect, but I know I'm His work of art that is His to perfect, not mine. I've found that my striving to be perfect doesn't get me anywhere, but when I've surrendered all of myself to Him I've realized that He does the work that I alone can't do. God is the beautiful creator and perfector, the most amazing artist of them all!
So as I was walking in a place of peace and confidence in my beauty surrounded by nature's beauty, the question came upon me, "Why is it so hard for people to realize their beauty?". Then I thought of the world, and how our American society defines beauty. And the sad thing I've found is that through their provocative magazine covers, perfect air brushed and fixed up movie stars and models, tips and tricks for the perfect hair and make up, and an endless stream of workout exercises to try, that the world has confused the definition of beauty and made it synonymous with "sexy". This is such a sad mistake, that we describe ourselves as women as "hot" and "sexy" rather than "beautiful", and the former is more desirable of an effect than the latter. These words do not share the same meaning! When we describe a woman as "hot" and "sexy" what we're really saying is that they look like an object that's desirable for sex. Let me reiterate, the words "hot" and "sexy" are really saying that we're an object that's desirable for sex. That's it. Why are we letting these words describe how a PERSON looks and confusing it with who they are? Because they don't describe the person at all! Instead they change the person into an object!! How horrifying! And the make up, clothing, and shoes that add to this effect are simply accessories that work to make the object more desirable.
The fascinating thing is that today many women (including myself) struggle with comparison of looks, and many of them reach the same sad conclusion... they aren't good enough. How many of us have said that about ourselves? And what we're really saying, what we've been made to believe, is that God messed up. That you aren't a piece of His breathtaking artwork. Now before you jump to blaming yourself realize that we've all been under attack by the same Enemy who has been patiently working throughout the years both in us and our society to get us here. It's not your fault, but it is a battle that you have to face with God. And it CAN be won, and I know this because I'm standing here today in a place of victory! I'm at the top of this mountain with God and I work daily to defend my ground against the one who tries to creep up and take back the ground that he lost. But God has prepared me, and He won't let me lose this battle! And if you ask Him, He can do the same for you. You know why? Because you really are worth it!!
The thing that's interesting about real beauty is that it needs no comparison. When I see a woman dressed provocatively I notice her body and how her clothing accentuates it, her hair, her perfect make up and shoes, and I sadly think, "I don't look anything like that." I compare. But when I see a woman going about her daily business wearing something that reflects who she is, and she walks with a peace and confidence that shows she will not be seen as an object, I find myself thinking, "She's beautiful". And you know what? I don't compare myself, I just appreciate the beauty. Beauty needs no comparison, because there's no such thing as too much beauty! When I go out shopping with women I care about and they try on something and it just looks ok I tell them, "That ____ doesn't really show off your beauty. You're too beautiful for that." You may read this and go, "Jenn, how can your friends take you seriously when you say that? It doesn't sound like you're being sincere." I am being sincere though, and while my friends at first laughed at me, they've realized that what I'm saying is true and that I value their beauty, I value the person they are. It's not the clothing or accessory that make the person, it's the person that showcases the clothing or accessory.
What's amazing, too, is that beauty also transcends time. It's not limited to your peak physically, a woman who is truly beautiful will shine through her 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, every day until she comes to rest with the Lord! One of my favorite things is seeing an older couple with wrinkles and gray hair walking hand in hand together, with big smiles on their faces and a look between them that radiates their love. And I find that absolutely stunning! My grandma, who is in her 70s and battling ALS is truly beautiful! And it's not because of the clothes she wears, it's her smile, her joyful eyes, and her loving nature that show that she's lived a great life filled with so much love, laughter, and adventure. She is someone who, for as long as I've known her, has been comfortable and happy in who she is! She hasn't tried to be someone she's not. My mother, her daughter, is another shining example of beauty, and it comes from confidence and happiness in her life and who she is. She doesn't compare herself to others, she just lives the life she loves without feeling pressure to conform to society or a need to perfect herself.
As women, let's stop describing others as "hot" and "sexy" (even when being sarcastic with friends), and start helping each woman around us discover the beauty of God and the beauty in themselves. Let's stand up and fight for them when they are too tired to fight, and let's lift them up at every opportunity and encourage them to be who they are! And if no one else will say it, I will, "You're beautiful!" I may not know who you are, but I've seen beauty in every woman I've met and I know my God who makes no mistakes, and that's enough for me to know that you are in fact incredible beautiful!
God says:
1. "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4
2. "You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you." Song of Solomon 4:7 (Absolutely love this! No doubt God believes we're beautiful!)
And so I will thank my God and say, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14
Ask God today to show you your beauty! He would love nothing more than to give His beloved daughter exactly that!
God has been teaching me a lot about beauty lately. I've been making it a point to slow down during the day and take in the goodness of the nature He's created, and I absolutely love sitting at the piano and putting a series of chords together and hearing the beautiful music that resonates throughout the house. But the best kind of beauty I've found is the one that He's shown me in myself! For a girl who could never wrap her mind around the word "beautiful" as belonging to her, this is a big step. At first I thought it was a mistake, but when we're talking about God we quickly learn that He's the only one that doesn't make mistakes. And in the past two months He's blessed me with a peace and confidence in my beauty that now I can't describe myself any other way. Sure, I'm not perfect, but I know I'm His work of art that is His to perfect, not mine. I've found that my striving to be perfect doesn't get me anywhere, but when I've surrendered all of myself to Him I've realized that He does the work that I alone can't do. God is the beautiful creator and perfector, the most amazing artist of them all!
So as I was walking in a place of peace and confidence in my beauty surrounded by nature's beauty, the question came upon me, "Why is it so hard for people to realize their beauty?". Then I thought of the world, and how our American society defines beauty. And the sad thing I've found is that through their provocative magazine covers, perfect air brushed and fixed up movie stars and models, tips and tricks for the perfect hair and make up, and an endless stream of workout exercises to try, that the world has confused the definition of beauty and made it synonymous with "sexy". This is such a sad mistake, that we describe ourselves as women as "hot" and "sexy" rather than "beautiful", and the former is more desirable of an effect than the latter. These words do not share the same meaning! When we describe a woman as "hot" and "sexy" what we're really saying is that they look like an object that's desirable for sex. Let me reiterate, the words "hot" and "sexy" are really saying that we're an object that's desirable for sex. That's it. Why are we letting these words describe how a PERSON looks and confusing it with who they are? Because they don't describe the person at all! Instead they change the person into an object!! How horrifying! And the make up, clothing, and shoes that add to this effect are simply accessories that work to make the object more desirable.
The fascinating thing is that today many women (including myself) struggle with comparison of looks, and many of them reach the same sad conclusion... they aren't good enough. How many of us have said that about ourselves? And what we're really saying, what we've been made to believe, is that God messed up. That you aren't a piece of His breathtaking artwork. Now before you jump to blaming yourself realize that we've all been under attack by the same Enemy who has been patiently working throughout the years both in us and our society to get us here. It's not your fault, but it is a battle that you have to face with God. And it CAN be won, and I know this because I'm standing here today in a place of victory! I'm at the top of this mountain with God and I work daily to defend my ground against the one who tries to creep up and take back the ground that he lost. But God has prepared me, and He won't let me lose this battle! And if you ask Him, He can do the same for you. You know why? Because you really are worth it!!
The thing that's interesting about real beauty is that it needs no comparison. When I see a woman dressed provocatively I notice her body and how her clothing accentuates it, her hair, her perfect make up and shoes, and I sadly think, "I don't look anything like that." I compare. But when I see a woman going about her daily business wearing something that reflects who she is, and she walks with a peace and confidence that shows she will not be seen as an object, I find myself thinking, "She's beautiful". And you know what? I don't compare myself, I just appreciate the beauty. Beauty needs no comparison, because there's no such thing as too much beauty! When I go out shopping with women I care about and they try on something and it just looks ok I tell them, "That ____ doesn't really show off your beauty. You're too beautiful for that." You may read this and go, "Jenn, how can your friends take you seriously when you say that? It doesn't sound like you're being sincere." I am being sincere though, and while my friends at first laughed at me, they've realized that what I'm saying is true and that I value their beauty, I value the person they are. It's not the clothing or accessory that make the person, it's the person that showcases the clothing or accessory.
What's amazing, too, is that beauty also transcends time. It's not limited to your peak physically, a woman who is truly beautiful will shine through her 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, every day until she comes to rest with the Lord! One of my favorite things is seeing an older couple with wrinkles and gray hair walking hand in hand together, with big smiles on their faces and a look between them that radiates their love. And I find that absolutely stunning! My grandma, who is in her 70s and battling ALS is truly beautiful! And it's not because of the clothes she wears, it's her smile, her joyful eyes, and her loving nature that show that she's lived a great life filled with so much love, laughter, and adventure. She is someone who, for as long as I've known her, has been comfortable and happy in who she is! She hasn't tried to be someone she's not. My mother, her daughter, is another shining example of beauty, and it comes from confidence and happiness in her life and who she is. She doesn't compare herself to others, she just lives the life she loves without feeling pressure to conform to society or a need to perfect herself.
As women, let's stop describing others as "hot" and "sexy" (even when being sarcastic with friends), and start helping each woman around us discover the beauty of God and the beauty in themselves. Let's stand up and fight for them when they are too tired to fight, and let's lift them up at every opportunity and encourage them to be who they are! And if no one else will say it, I will, "You're beautiful!" I may not know who you are, but I've seen beauty in every woman I've met and I know my God who makes no mistakes, and that's enough for me to know that you are in fact incredible beautiful!
God says:
1. "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4
2. "You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you." Song of Solomon 4:7 (Absolutely love this! No doubt God believes we're beautiful!)
And so I will thank my God and say, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14
Ask God today to show you your beauty! He would love nothing more than to give His beloved daughter exactly that!
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Love Like It's Goodbye
How often do you appreciate those around you? How often do you drink in every moment you have with them? How thankful are you for every day, hour, moment you have with family, friends, co-workers, significant others? I know I'm guilty of it, both with the people I see every day to the people I only have the privilege to see every so often.
With my grandmother's gradually progressing ALS, it's weighed on me every time I see her that it might be the last. Maybe this is the last chance I have to spend time with her. Maybe this is the last time I get to tell her how much I love her. My love for her has new urgency like it's never have before. I don't view my mom that way, but life doesn't always work so that we leave in the same order we arrived. My mom could die tomorrow in a car accident and my grandmother would still be alive. And then how foolish would I feel. If my mom, or dad, or one of my siblings, my closest friends, one of the children I work with, died tomorrow I would be a wreck. The regret would would devastate me. And I'd be left with nothing but memories and wishes that I had taken advantage of the time I was given with them.
Throughout the past month I've been discovering God in ways I hadn't realized previously, and tonight He laid this idea on my heart. Ok, laid isn't the right word. He dropped this idea on my heart like a huge elephant being dropped off of the high dive. This is what Jesus' love was all about! He didn't go healing each person thinking, "Ok, once I heal this guy I'm going to go preach about this idea, and I can't forget to catch up with my disciples to teach them about it because they never seem to understand my teachings. And once I do all that I'll finally get away and get some peace and quiet." He didn't treat people like they were a roadblock in his way throughout his day. He loved them by drinking in every moment and enjoying the time he had with them! He didn't die on the cross just so he could finish this earth business and go back to being in heaven with the Father. He did it because he believed we were worth dying for!
If we look at some passages in scripture we see that the people Jesus praised the most were those that just drank in every moment enjoying him:
"While Jesus was in Bethany in the home of Simon the Leper, a woman came to him with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, which she poured on his head as he was reclining at the table. When the disciples saw this, they were indignant. 'Why this waste?' they asked. 'This perfume could have been sold at a high price and the money given to the poor.' Aware of this, Jesus said to them, 'Why are you bothering this woman? She has done a beautiful thing to me. The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have me. When she poured this perfume on my body, she did it to prepare me for burial. Truly I tell you, wherever this gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.'" -Matthew 26:6-13
"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, 'Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work myself? Tell her to help me!' 'Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed- or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.'" -Luke 10:38-42
Both of these stories share a common idea. Both Mary and the woman with the perfume are focusing their attention on the person they love, Jesus. The woman with the perfume has even understood that these are the last moments she will get to spend with the Lord in person! Yes, these stories show how we should love Jesus and make him our life, but I think there's another message here. Jesus was the example, and his main commandments were to love God with all our heart, mind, body, and spirit, and to love our neighbor as ourselves. When it comes to being loved by others, do you want people to give half their attention to you when they're with you? Do you want them to get through their time with you as efficiently as possible so they can do whatever they have to do next? Or just skip over you entirely? Or do you want people to appreciate and enjoy every moment they have with you? Do you want them to make loving you their sole priority? Do you want to be a priority to them? Do you want them to love you like you were on your death bed every time they saw you? After you've thought about this, consider how you treat others around you. Do you love them and appreciate them like it was your last day with them? I'm as guilty as anyone else.
I think what God has been showing me is that this is what it means to love like Christ. No day is a guarantee for you or anyone you know and love. It's also not a guarantee for any strangers you might meet along the way. When Christ was walking on the earth he knew when his last day was, but even that didn't stop him from loving and serving others as if it was. And think about this, when Jesus was dying on the cross there were several women who stayed the entire time, drinking in every last moment. Jesus challenges us to drink in every moment we have with people, no matter how close they are to us. Make every person who crosses our path feel comforted knowing that they were worth our time.
May God help us to approach each day with these two goals of focus: 1) To appreciate and enjoy every moment God has given you on this earth in His creation and the relationship He wants with you through, and 2) To love, appreciate, and enjoy every moment spent with the people He's put in your life. Let's stop the rushing in our lives to realize what we're missing. Slow down.
Love without regrets. Love everyone like you were saying goodbye.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Follow Me
All around me is darkness, and a cold and bitter wind bites at me. Within me I can't shake the feeling like something is terribly wrong, and I can't take another step. How did I get here? What happened? I had felt so confident before. The path looked steady and my feet felt sure. But with each step forward I took the light began to fade until all that is around me is darkness. I feel trapped, I need to get out, but I don't know what to do. I can't move forward anymore! Let me get a better look at where I came from, let me turn around.
To my surprise there's a man there, with a hole in each hand and a crown of thorns. His smile takes my fear away and warmth floods within me.
"Who are you?" I ask, although a part of me feels like I know the answer.
"I am the one He gave so that you may have eternal life, and I have come to save you," the man says. "How did you find me?" I ask, bewildered.
"I have been following you all this time, but you were only looking ahead so you could not see me. I knew your path would get difficult and that someday you would turn around." A peace fills my heart, but I need one more question answered.
"Why do you care so much to save me? All I've done is made mistakes?" The darkness begins to flood in again as I feel completely unworthy of such an offer. I made a mistake, I deserve to pay for it.
"Because my Father created you! He knows every hair on your head, every word you've ever spoken, and everything you've yet to do. Even now He knows you're at an impasse. He loves you so much that He sent me to die on a cross so you can have everlasting life. You have done nothing to deserve this gift, but it is one freely given by one who loves you so unconditionally. And He sent me to follow and watch over you. And now, if you so choose, I can save you and guide you to the life and purpose He has made you for. Will you choose to follow me? Or will you take another step into the darkness?" He speaks so kindly and his eyes glisten with care and concern. His smile and his words tell me I can trust him, but I know he won't force me either. He wants me to do this of my own free will. He wants my love and trust. But can I give it? The road before me looks so bleak, and I'm tired of trying to control where my feet go. And if God created me and loves me enough to send this man standing before me to die for me so that I may be clean and have a new life, then what do I have to lose?
I fall to my knees as the tears overcome their barriers and stream down my cheeks. I have a second chance, one I don't deserve, and the amount of love I've been shown is more than I can bear.
"I choose to follow you," I sob, "I choose to let you save me and lead me. I give up controlling where I go, I want what you want for me. I surrender everything to you." I continue to cry but a warm hand rests gently on my shoulder. I look up to see the brightest, most tender and beautiful smile I have seen this man give yet.
"I have waited so patiently for you to say those words, and myself and my Father in heaven along with all His angels are celebrating. If you listen closely you can hear them singing and rejoicing, praising my Father that He saves the lost sheep. Because you have surrendered to me and believe that I have come to save you I now wash you clean with my blood, and your mistakes are forgiven. Remember this place that you are in right now, for you'll need it to help others who are also lost in the darkness, but know that the darkness no longer has a hold on you. You are mine, and I love you. Now stand up and follow me."
The man envelopes me in the warmest hug I've ever known, and the darkness that threatened to creep into me is blasted away. I'm not alone, and I'm not my own. The darkness can no longer hold me. And as my feet follow the man before me I look over his shoulder and see light. I don't know where we're going, but I trust Jesus to lead me. And for a moment he looks over his should and smiles at me before telling me, "I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and give you a future. You are safe with me."
To my surprise there's a man there, with a hole in each hand and a crown of thorns. His smile takes my fear away and warmth floods within me.
"Who are you?" I ask, although a part of me feels like I know the answer.
"I am the one He gave so that you may have eternal life, and I have come to save you," the man says. "How did you find me?" I ask, bewildered.
"I have been following you all this time, but you were only looking ahead so you could not see me. I knew your path would get difficult and that someday you would turn around." A peace fills my heart, but I need one more question answered.
"Why do you care so much to save me? All I've done is made mistakes?" The darkness begins to flood in again as I feel completely unworthy of such an offer. I made a mistake, I deserve to pay for it.
"Because my Father created you! He knows every hair on your head, every word you've ever spoken, and everything you've yet to do. Even now He knows you're at an impasse. He loves you so much that He sent me to die on a cross so you can have everlasting life. You have done nothing to deserve this gift, but it is one freely given by one who loves you so unconditionally. And He sent me to follow and watch over you. And now, if you so choose, I can save you and guide you to the life and purpose He has made you for. Will you choose to follow me? Or will you take another step into the darkness?" He speaks so kindly and his eyes glisten with care and concern. His smile and his words tell me I can trust him, but I know he won't force me either. He wants me to do this of my own free will. He wants my love and trust. But can I give it? The road before me looks so bleak, and I'm tired of trying to control where my feet go. And if God created me and loves me enough to send this man standing before me to die for me so that I may be clean and have a new life, then what do I have to lose?
I fall to my knees as the tears overcome their barriers and stream down my cheeks. I have a second chance, one I don't deserve, and the amount of love I've been shown is more than I can bear.
"I choose to follow you," I sob, "I choose to let you save me and lead me. I give up controlling where I go, I want what you want for me. I surrender everything to you." I continue to cry but a warm hand rests gently on my shoulder. I look up to see the brightest, most tender and beautiful smile I have seen this man give yet.
"I have waited so patiently for you to say those words, and myself and my Father in heaven along with all His angels are celebrating. If you listen closely you can hear them singing and rejoicing, praising my Father that He saves the lost sheep. Because you have surrendered to me and believe that I have come to save you I now wash you clean with my blood, and your mistakes are forgiven. Remember this place that you are in right now, for you'll need it to help others who are also lost in the darkness, but know that the darkness no longer has a hold on you. You are mine, and I love you. Now stand up and follow me."
The man envelopes me in the warmest hug I've ever known, and the darkness that threatened to creep into me is blasted away. I'm not alone, and I'm not my own. The darkness can no longer hold me. And as my feet follow the man before me I look over his shoulder and see light. I don't know where we're going, but I trust Jesus to lead me. And for a moment he looks over his should and smiles at me before telling me, "I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and give you a future. You are safe with me."
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Know God. Know You. Know Love!
I've written about my battle with
anxiety for a long time, and it has been working to deteriorate my belief and
understanding in who I am. Even worse, I struggled to identify who God
was. When you don't know these two things, you are pretty lost.
Through my emotional roller-coaster of the last year I came to see myself as a failure. I had failed to be the amazing teacher I thought I would be and felt as though I had completely failed my students. My fiance and I struggled with physical boundaries and every time we messed up I felt like a failure again. Every time my anxiety acted up I felt like I was a failure because I couldn't think positively and keep it under control. Satan had made me a captive of failure. And because of it, I felt like I wasn't good enough for God or good enough for others. I even felt like a failure because I didn't have confidence in or know who I was anymore.
Thankfully our God won't stand for this, and He wants us to know who He is and know the love that He provides. It's sometimes difficult to understand God when you see Him in the old and new testaments. As several friends pointed out to me, the God of the old testament died when Jesus died on the cross and rose again. The God of the new testament is where we must look to understand Him. A mentor of mine showed me a very familiar verse that goes, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, NIV)." God is also love, so if you replace the word "love" with "God", all of a sudden you can begin to see who He is. Sometimes we see this verse as how we should love others, and don't get me wrong, it's a great guideline. The problem is, this is perfect, unconditional love that we can't do by ourselves. We need God to help us love. Suddenly I began to really see God as a kind God, one who doesn't seek to punish me and put me in hell, but one who seeks to love me!
God also showed me some mistaken views that I'd had of Him through the help of my friends, scripture, and a vision. In our educational system, we're taught that in order to show we can do something and be successful that we need to pick the one right answer out of several wrong answers. Pick the right answer and you are successful, pick the wrong answer and you need to do better because you didn't meet expectations. This line of thinking can be especially dangerous when considering big life decisions, such as who you will marry. I had believed that God wanted me to make all the right choices to complete the life that He had planned for me. When facing the decision of whether or not to marry my fiance this made me extremely anxious. I feared making the wrong decision and ending up in what I falsely believed was a huge failure, divorce. Fortunately I have some awesome friends who know more than me who helped to show me that God has presented an option to me, one that He will bless me both if I take it or if I decide not to take it. Marriage is the process of two imperfect people learning to love each other unconditionally. I now know that both choices are right and line up with the purpose that He has for me. This was confirmed by a vision God showed me of a big tree. It had a big trunk and many branches that stemmed from it, and they all went straight up. Some branches had smaller branches that emerged from it and they too pointed upward. God showed me that each break in the branches represented choices that God would allow me to make, and whatever I chose I would still be with Him in heaven because I'm seeking Christ and desire to love and serve Him, so therefore I keep climbing upward. There will always be both good and bad consequences with any choice, but as long as we seek God He will bless our decisions. I have a few friends who are single mothers. Each made a choice to have sex before marriage with people they weren't going to marry in a lower point in their lives. But God loves His daughters very much, and He blessed each of them with beautiful and wonderful children who are joys to their lives and, in many ways, saved them from the road they were going down to seek a better journey with Christ! Even more amazingly, He's blessed each of them with God-loving, strong men in their lives who love their children and want to spend their lives serving God with them! How amazing God is! This gives me confidence that no matter what happens, my life will be good because of God!
God also showed me how He sees me. I was nervous at first because I felt I wasn't measuring up to what He wanted me to do or be. But He answered me in such an amazing way! He said I was His masterpiece, His daughter, His princess. That I'm beautiful and captivating, a strong warrior fighting for His Kingdom. He sees me as wonderful, and He loves me so much! He showed me that I'm not a failure because I have Christ, who was not a failure. He conquered the grave and washed me clean with his blood. Because Jesus is a success, I am a success. And God is still working on me, an already beautiful piece of art that is getting more beautiful with each brush stroke. He knows the desires He's put in my heart and knows what makes me happy. It's hard not to feel loved when you hear that! God took me back to the early months of my relationship with my fiance and showed me how much love I felt from him when I felt like Jesus was showing his love to me through my man. It was such strong and believable love, nothing I had ever felt before! Then God took me to the recent past and had me compare how I felt. I would have a difficult time receiving my fiance's love and had a hard time believing what he said about me. I also realized that I wasn't seeing Jesus' love shining through because I didn't know God's love for me. Satan had put me behind bars and made me believe I wasn't worth loving, that I would just hurt people. When I agreed with him it was so difficult to accept the love I was being shown. Now God is setting me free and I can see clearly now. The truth will indeed set you free and I look forward now, more than ever, to what God has for me!
How important it is to know and understand who God is, understand how God sees you (He's better than any mirror), and understand the love He has for you and why He wants you to share it with others. So ask God today to show you who He is and who you are in Him, and get ready to feel the amazing love He has for you!
Through my emotional roller-coaster of the last year I came to see myself as a failure. I had failed to be the amazing teacher I thought I would be and felt as though I had completely failed my students. My fiance and I struggled with physical boundaries and every time we messed up I felt like a failure again. Every time my anxiety acted up I felt like I was a failure because I couldn't think positively and keep it under control. Satan had made me a captive of failure. And because of it, I felt like I wasn't good enough for God or good enough for others. I even felt like a failure because I didn't have confidence in or know who I was anymore.
Thankfully our God won't stand for this, and He wants us to know who He is and know the love that He provides. It's sometimes difficult to understand God when you see Him in the old and new testaments. As several friends pointed out to me, the God of the old testament died when Jesus died on the cross and rose again. The God of the new testament is where we must look to understand Him. A mentor of mine showed me a very familiar verse that goes, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, NIV)." God is also love, so if you replace the word "love" with "God", all of a sudden you can begin to see who He is. Sometimes we see this verse as how we should love others, and don't get me wrong, it's a great guideline. The problem is, this is perfect, unconditional love that we can't do by ourselves. We need God to help us love. Suddenly I began to really see God as a kind God, one who doesn't seek to punish me and put me in hell, but one who seeks to love me!
God also showed me some mistaken views that I'd had of Him through the help of my friends, scripture, and a vision. In our educational system, we're taught that in order to show we can do something and be successful that we need to pick the one right answer out of several wrong answers. Pick the right answer and you are successful, pick the wrong answer and you need to do better because you didn't meet expectations. This line of thinking can be especially dangerous when considering big life decisions, such as who you will marry. I had believed that God wanted me to make all the right choices to complete the life that He had planned for me. When facing the decision of whether or not to marry my fiance this made me extremely anxious. I feared making the wrong decision and ending up in what I falsely believed was a huge failure, divorce. Fortunately I have some awesome friends who know more than me who helped to show me that God has presented an option to me, one that He will bless me both if I take it or if I decide not to take it. Marriage is the process of two imperfect people learning to love each other unconditionally. I now know that both choices are right and line up with the purpose that He has for me. This was confirmed by a vision God showed me of a big tree. It had a big trunk and many branches that stemmed from it, and they all went straight up. Some branches had smaller branches that emerged from it and they too pointed upward. God showed me that each break in the branches represented choices that God would allow me to make, and whatever I chose I would still be with Him in heaven because I'm seeking Christ and desire to love and serve Him, so therefore I keep climbing upward. There will always be both good and bad consequences with any choice, but as long as we seek God He will bless our decisions. I have a few friends who are single mothers. Each made a choice to have sex before marriage with people they weren't going to marry in a lower point in their lives. But God loves His daughters very much, and He blessed each of them with beautiful and wonderful children who are joys to their lives and, in many ways, saved them from the road they were going down to seek a better journey with Christ! Even more amazingly, He's blessed each of them with God-loving, strong men in their lives who love their children and want to spend their lives serving God with them! How amazing God is! This gives me confidence that no matter what happens, my life will be good because of God!
God also showed me how He sees me. I was nervous at first because I felt I wasn't measuring up to what He wanted me to do or be. But He answered me in such an amazing way! He said I was His masterpiece, His daughter, His princess. That I'm beautiful and captivating, a strong warrior fighting for His Kingdom. He sees me as wonderful, and He loves me so much! He showed me that I'm not a failure because I have Christ, who was not a failure. He conquered the grave and washed me clean with his blood. Because Jesus is a success, I am a success. And God is still working on me, an already beautiful piece of art that is getting more beautiful with each brush stroke. He knows the desires He's put in my heart and knows what makes me happy. It's hard not to feel loved when you hear that! God took me back to the early months of my relationship with my fiance and showed me how much love I felt from him when I felt like Jesus was showing his love to me through my man. It was such strong and believable love, nothing I had ever felt before! Then God took me to the recent past and had me compare how I felt. I would have a difficult time receiving my fiance's love and had a hard time believing what he said about me. I also realized that I wasn't seeing Jesus' love shining through because I didn't know God's love for me. Satan had put me behind bars and made me believe I wasn't worth loving, that I would just hurt people. When I agreed with him it was so difficult to accept the love I was being shown. Now God is setting me free and I can see clearly now. The truth will indeed set you free and I look forward now, more than ever, to what God has for me!
How important it is to know and understand who God is, understand how God sees you (He's better than any mirror), and understand the love He has for you and why He wants you to share it with others. So ask God today to show you who He is and who you are in Him, and get ready to feel the amazing love He has for you!
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Avoiding Idols
If you've ever read scripture that talks about idols, you probably think of golden statues of various forms that the Israelites would sometimes pray to. You may also have noticed scripture's many warnings about avoiding idols. To us it may seem pretty simple, pray to God and not to statues. However, like many things in our modern world, idols can be sneaky and confusing.
An idol is anything that we spend most of our time focused on and what we turn to the most that we place as a higher importance than God. They can creep up on you, and can start as a blessing that we push to a higher status.
Recently my fiancee pointed out to me that I had made him an idol in my life and had put him on this pedestal. At first it seemed crazy but, when I really thought about it, I knew he was right. My fiancee is the answer to one of my heart's greatest desires, and he's something that I've always wanted- someone to love who loves me in return. Sometimes I take the blessing of his love too far and, instead of turning to God for His joy, love, and strength, I'll turn to my fiancee for those things. I also know he's become an idol in my life when I hold him to an unrealistically high standard and want to control him to make him the man I want him to be. Thankfully this usually backfires on me. These are all signs that I've made him my idol. Thankfully, God is very merciful and convicts me of it without taking my fiancee from me and giving me the opportunity to try again and do better.
My fiancee is just one example of something I sometimes put higher than God. For some people it's sports, or friends, or money (ALERT: big one mentioned in the Bible. You can't serve God and money), or control, or a job, etc. Anything in this world can become an idol if we focus on it so much that it comes above our God. As the hymn goes, "On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand". Putting anything above God will cause you to stand on sinking sand. Thankfully God is merciful and will give us another chance to do better! Monitor yourself and where you spend most of your time in thought and action, and you'll have a much better chance of supporting yourself on the rock that is Christ.
May God always be with you!
An idol is anything that we spend most of our time focused on and what we turn to the most that we place as a higher importance than God. They can creep up on you, and can start as a blessing that we push to a higher status.
Recently my fiancee pointed out to me that I had made him an idol in my life and had put him on this pedestal. At first it seemed crazy but, when I really thought about it, I knew he was right. My fiancee is the answer to one of my heart's greatest desires, and he's something that I've always wanted- someone to love who loves me in return. Sometimes I take the blessing of his love too far and, instead of turning to God for His joy, love, and strength, I'll turn to my fiancee for those things. I also know he's become an idol in my life when I hold him to an unrealistically high standard and want to control him to make him the man I want him to be. Thankfully this usually backfires on me. These are all signs that I've made him my idol. Thankfully, God is very merciful and convicts me of it without taking my fiancee from me and giving me the opportunity to try again and do better.
My fiancee is just one example of something I sometimes put higher than God. For some people it's sports, or friends, or money (ALERT: big one mentioned in the Bible. You can't serve God and money), or control, or a job, etc. Anything in this world can become an idol if we focus on it so much that it comes above our God. As the hymn goes, "On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand". Putting anything above God will cause you to stand on sinking sand. Thankfully God is merciful and will give us another chance to do better! Monitor yourself and where you spend most of your time in thought and action, and you'll have a much better chance of supporting yourself on the rock that is Christ.
May God always be with you!
Friday, June 20, 2014
Steps of Faith
When I first became a Christian at 22 years old, I believed that my transformation would be a big immediate one. When this didn't happen, I began to wrestle with my faith. Was God there? Didn't He want something more for me? Do I have the Spirit I was promised? I can honestly say that it added to some of my anxiety. I wanted a change for the better, and I wanted it now. Someone recently told me, "The root of anxiety is perfection". It's so true for me, most of my anxiety stems from my desire to be perfect. I want to be the perfect Christian, perfect worker, perfect wife, perfect person. I've put so much unnecessary pressure on myself in my desire to get closer to "perfect". So when my anxiety started to get persistent and difficult to deal with I wanted to get fixed fast. I looked for whatever I had to do to get rid of it, to get my personality closer to perfect. I tried prayers, books, fasting, diet change, etc. Nothing would get rid of it.
During my fast with my fiancee a few weeks ago, my amazing man said something to me that stuck, "You have to step out with faith, you need to take the leap and trust God." I had to trust that everything would be ok and that God had me. It worked really well for about a week, and then I began to falter when fighting symptoms of anxiety. God then showed me that stepping out in faith isn't a one time fix, I have to make the choice daily to walk in faith and trust God above all else. I have to give Him my worries and then be still, knowing that He is God (Psalm 46:10).
This also means letting go of my desire for perfection. Only one person is perfect, Jesus. I can become more Christ-like by walking in faith, but I will never become Christ. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Christ covers my weaknesses and imperfections in His strengths. I should delight in being imperfect because it shines Christ's power. Everyday I need to let go of my desire to be as perfect as I can be, and focus on Christ and His amazing perfection which covers my weaknesses.
So be still, don't strive, and let Christ cover your weaknesses and gain your strength through Him. He is God, and He knows what He's doing!
During my fast with my fiancee a few weeks ago, my amazing man said something to me that stuck, "You have to step out with faith, you need to take the leap and trust God." I had to trust that everything would be ok and that God had me. It worked really well for about a week, and then I began to falter when fighting symptoms of anxiety. God then showed me that stepping out in faith isn't a one time fix, I have to make the choice daily to walk in faith and trust God above all else. I have to give Him my worries and then be still, knowing that He is God (Psalm 46:10).
This also means letting go of my desire for perfection. Only one person is perfect, Jesus. I can become more Christ-like by walking in faith, but I will never become Christ. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Christ covers my weaknesses and imperfections in His strengths. I should delight in being imperfect because it shines Christ's power. Everyday I need to let go of my desire to be as perfect as I can be, and focus on Christ and His amazing perfection which covers my weaknesses.
So be still, don't strive, and let Christ cover your weaknesses and gain your strength through Him. He is God, and He knows what He's doing!
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