One of the more dangerous thoughts that Christians promote is this idea that we are terrible, ugly people who should not be proud of or enjoy ourselves because compared to God we are nothing. Certainly God is glorious and is more intelligent, creative, forgiving, compassionate, and loving than any of us humans. However we need to be careful of the trap of putting ourselves so low and shaming ourselves in comparison so much that it actually harms us.
When we sin, many of us probably think "I shouldn't have done that", "How come I can't get this right?", "What's wrong with me?", "How can God love me". We'll turn to God and confess our sin and ask for his forgiveness, but how many of us actually forgive ourselves? God has already taken mercy on us but we can't have mercy on ourselves. It is right that we should feel ashamed when we sin, otherwise we wouldn't seek repentance. However, if we dwell on the shame and allow the devil to use it to speak lies into our hearts telling us that we are dirty and unworthy, we get sucked into a dark trap.
For many months now I've struggled with anxiety. When it strikes it attacks me from the inside. When I'm anxious I have a very difficult time pushing irrational shame away. I've believed that I did something to deserve the anxiety, that God doesn't care about me enough to rescue me from the pain, that other people shouldn't be around me because I could bring them down, that I'm too needy and weak. And even the smallest sin would make it worse. I'd confess it to God but I couldn't let go of it, couldn't forgive myself because I thought I deserved more punishment. Pretty soon I'd have no self-esteem and couldn't see anything in me worthy looking at and loving both from those I care about and from God. Jesus has been trying to show me this week that all these things that I've believed are lies that the enemy used to try to kill my heart. He knows that my body will mess up, that's why He sent His son to die for me on the cross. But He also knows that my heart is good because I love His son. He's shown me that He knows my pain and that it isn't because of something I did, but by things that happened to me. He also knows how much I need people to support me which is why He sent me the strongest and most patient people. Finally, He's teaching me that I've been too hard on myself. Where God has told my heart that it's good I've turned around and told it that it's bad. I need to trust His forgiveness and let go of the shame after repentance. I need to be confident in my heart and my God.
People can sometimes confuse confidence for pride, and some christians don't think we should have either if we're following Christ. The truth is, confidence founded in Jesus is very good and very important. When we are confident in ourselves in Jesus we show the glory we were meant to have when God created Adam and Eve before the fall. When this happens we can love confidently and share the gospel confidently. Confidence says "Because of Christ/God I was able to do this", pride says "Because of my own work I was able to do this, and isn't it great!" In 1 Corinthians 1:31 Paul writes, "Therefore, as it is written: 'Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord' (NIV)." Be confident in the Lord and be confident in your relationship with Him. Beware of shaming yourself and seeing yourself as less than God intended for you. My goal these past few days has been to challenge every negative thought I have about myself and change it to better see how God sees me. I challenge you to do the same!
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