If you've ever read scripture that talks about idols, you probably think of golden statues of various forms that the Israelites would sometimes pray to. You may also have noticed scripture's many warnings about avoiding idols. To us it may seem pretty simple, pray to God and not to statues. However, like many things in our modern world, idols can be sneaky and confusing.
An idol is anything that we spend most of our time focused on and what we turn to the most that we place as a higher importance than God. They can creep up on you, and can start as a blessing that we push to a higher status.
Recently my fiancee pointed out to me that I had made him an idol in my life and had put him on this pedestal. At first it seemed crazy but, when I really thought about it, I knew he was right. My fiancee is the answer to one of my heart's greatest desires, and he's something that I've always wanted- someone to love who loves me in return. Sometimes I take the blessing of his love too far and, instead of turning to God for His joy, love, and strength, I'll turn to my fiancee for those things. I also know he's become an idol in my life when I hold him to an unrealistically high standard and want to control him to make him the man I want him to be. Thankfully this usually backfires on me. These are all signs that I've made him my idol. Thankfully, God is very merciful and convicts me of it without taking my fiancee from me and giving me the opportunity to try again and do better.
My fiancee is just one example of something I sometimes put higher than God. For some people it's sports, or friends, or money (ALERT: big one mentioned in the Bible. You can't serve God and money), or control, or a job, etc. Anything in this world can become an idol if we focus on it so much that it comes above our God. As the hymn goes, "On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand". Putting anything above God will cause you to stand on sinking sand. Thankfully God is merciful and will give us another chance to do better! Monitor yourself and where you spend most of your time in thought and action, and you'll have a much better chance of supporting yourself on the rock that is Christ.
May God always be with you!
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Friday, June 20, 2014
Steps of Faith
When I first became a Christian at 22 years old, I believed that my transformation would be a big immediate one. When this didn't happen, I began to wrestle with my faith. Was God there? Didn't He want something more for me? Do I have the Spirit I was promised? I can honestly say that it added to some of my anxiety. I wanted a change for the better, and I wanted it now. Someone recently told me, "The root of anxiety is perfection". It's so true for me, most of my anxiety stems from my desire to be perfect. I want to be the perfect Christian, perfect worker, perfect wife, perfect person. I've put so much unnecessary pressure on myself in my desire to get closer to "perfect". So when my anxiety started to get persistent and difficult to deal with I wanted to get fixed fast. I looked for whatever I had to do to get rid of it, to get my personality closer to perfect. I tried prayers, books, fasting, diet change, etc. Nothing would get rid of it.
During my fast with my fiancee a few weeks ago, my amazing man said something to me that stuck, "You have to step out with faith, you need to take the leap and trust God." I had to trust that everything would be ok and that God had me. It worked really well for about a week, and then I began to falter when fighting symptoms of anxiety. God then showed me that stepping out in faith isn't a one time fix, I have to make the choice daily to walk in faith and trust God above all else. I have to give Him my worries and then be still, knowing that He is God (Psalm 46:10).
This also means letting go of my desire for perfection. Only one person is perfect, Jesus. I can become more Christ-like by walking in faith, but I will never become Christ. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Christ covers my weaknesses and imperfections in His strengths. I should delight in being imperfect because it shines Christ's power. Everyday I need to let go of my desire to be as perfect as I can be, and focus on Christ and His amazing perfection which covers my weaknesses.
So be still, don't strive, and let Christ cover your weaknesses and gain your strength through Him. He is God, and He knows what He's doing!
During my fast with my fiancee a few weeks ago, my amazing man said something to me that stuck, "You have to step out with faith, you need to take the leap and trust God." I had to trust that everything would be ok and that God had me. It worked really well for about a week, and then I began to falter when fighting symptoms of anxiety. God then showed me that stepping out in faith isn't a one time fix, I have to make the choice daily to walk in faith and trust God above all else. I have to give Him my worries and then be still, knowing that He is God (Psalm 46:10).
This also means letting go of my desire for perfection. Only one person is perfect, Jesus. I can become more Christ-like by walking in faith, but I will never become Christ. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Christ covers my weaknesses and imperfections in His strengths. I should delight in being imperfect because it shines Christ's power. Everyday I need to let go of my desire to be as perfect as I can be, and focus on Christ and His amazing perfection which covers my weaknesses.
So be still, don't strive, and let Christ cover your weaknesses and gain your strength through Him. He is God, and He knows what He's doing!
Saturday, June 7, 2014
Thanking the Little Things
How often do you thank God? Do you thank Him for the big things in your life or do you thank Him for all the little things? How thankful is your heart? It's really easy to thank God when something big happens; you get the job you wanted, are brought together with the love of your life, find a church that you really like, get a new car. It's right that we should be thankful for these things, they show us and others how great God's love is! But what about on those ho-hum days where its business as usual and nothing exciting happens. Or worse, on those days where it's hard to find something that will go your way and you find yourself very annoyed or upset. We may not think to thank God on days like that because those are the days when we don't really appreciate what we have. Sure, we can say that we appreciate it, but our attitude and our thoughts will give us away. You're thankful that you have a job in an economy like this, but you don't enjoy going and look forward to punching out and heading home. That's not a sign of a truly thankful heart. And I, like you, can be guilty of this myself.
Why is it important to be thankful on those days when we don't truly appreciate what we have? God blesses us everyday, even on the days that we don't feel like He's blessing us. He wants to know that we appreciate Him and appreciate the work that He's doing within us. Also, the best way to have a truly joyful heart is to love with all your heart and to be thankful for everything that God is doing in your life. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says, "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus (NIV)." It is God's will for us to be thankful in all circumstances. Psalm 107:1 even says, "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever (NIV)." These are just two verses out of many that talk of thanking God, having a thankful heart, and thanking Him in ALL circumstances. And notice how in these verses it doesn't say, "Give thanks when God does something really awesome", or "Give thanks when you feel really happy and things are good". It says to give thanks all the time for everything. Right now my grandma is battling ALS, a horrible, gradually debilitating battle that we know she will eventually lose in a few years barring Godly intervention. It would be really easy for me to get angry at God and say that He's not a good God because He's doing this to someone who doesn't deserve it. I could feel like there's nothing to be thankful for. But that's not how I feel, not at all. I'm thankful that I've had 25+ years with my grandma when some people don't even get to meet theirs. I'm thankful that she's lived a very full life, full of love from family, friends, and a loyal husband of 50+ years. I'm thankful that she still has full use of all of her limbs and can go out golfing for at least one more season. I'm thankful that I'll get to have her at my wedding, or that she'll at least be able to see me try on wedding dresses. And I'm thankful that she and my mom have time to heal past wounds and build a stronger relationship than they've ever had. And it's because of this point of view and this thankfulness that I'm actually filled with joy. When she passes away I know that she'll have few regrets, as will I.
So how do we practice thankfulness in everyday life? First, we need to be in prayer and communication with God. And we don't have to wait till the end of the day to thank Him for something. If something good happens to me I'll thank Him right then and there privately. I also keep a blessings journal to remind me to think about my blessings from the one who loves me the most. Somedays I can only get three things: I'm still alive, I have Jesus, I worked. Somedays it's a lot more. Everyone can find at least one blessing from their day, it just takes thinking about it and sometimes considering a different point of view. We can also thank the people in our lives for things on a daily basis. Whenever someone, friend/family/fiancee/stranger, does something nice for me or helps me I thank them genuinely. Sometimes I'll even write letters to let people know how much I appreciate them.
What will you thank God for today? How's your perspective on your daily blessings? God has blessed us all, we just need to recognize our blessings!
Monday, June 2, 2014
Love Yourself
If you've ever struggled with low self esteem, a big failure, anxiety, or depression (or anything related), you know how difficult it can be to see yourself in a good light. You spend a lot of time blaming yourself and putting yourself down with thoughts like, "Why would anyone ever love me?" "I'm too much this or that", "I don't have anything to offer". And many times, if you're struggling with self ruminating thoughts and putting yourself down, personal hygiene and upkeep takes a dive. You can quickly slip into this dark hole that becomes very difficult to get out of. And some Christian views don't help either. Some of us are told that God is greater than us, that we shouldn't love ourselves because God comes first and foremost, etc. This can be a very damaging message to many people.
This past weekend I was once again struggling with my anxiety, and it was pulling me fast into the hole mentioned above. And, if I'm honest, I didn't really put up much of a fight. And it was making it difficult for me to love or appreciate anyone around me, especially my fiancee. Then God put lyrics into my heart from a musical I enjoy. A man, still hurt from his break-up with his ex, tells her, "You'll never share your love until you love yourself". This was confirmed by what I read in a book titled Waking the Dead by John Eldredge that explained that loving yourself and appreciating everything that God put into you and living from your whole heart actually brings glory to God.
Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own. You were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies (NIV)". Paul is speaking of sexual immorality here but I have to believe there is more to it than just that. He says our bodies are temples, and we must honor God with them. Is it honoring to God to sit on my but all day and indulge in everything unhealthy to ruin the body that He gave me? Is it honoring to sit around and nit pick every negative detail of my so there is no sense of beauty to me whatsoever? I have to think that the answer is no. I'm not my own, I was bought with a price, so I need to take care of myself. Proverbs 4:23 speaks of the importance of the heart of a person, saying, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it (NIV)". If my heart is empty of love for myself, how can it hold love for others? And if my heart is empty, haven't I failed to protect it? It sure is hard to do anything when your heart feels empty or sad. We need to love ourselves, specifically, we need to love the person we are with Jesus. Don't love the old self for it must die and it is worth nothing without Christ. But the self who seeks to serve the Kingdom and holds the Holy Spirit within them, the self that loves and appreciates everything that God has blessed them with (body, soul, spirit, gifts, talents, interests, etc.), that self must be loved in order to love God and others.
With this new message in mind yesterday, I took the time to sit down and start playing the piano and singing again. It's been a while because, with my anxiety, there's not a whole lot I feel motivated to do. If only I could describe how my spirit came alive, the joy that filled me that had been missing, and the intense love for God I felt I would. I felt like a whole new person as I taught myself a new song on the piano and sang, utilizing the talents and interests that God gave to me! And then today God charged me with taking better care of my body, motivating me to make better choices in what I eat and creating an exercise plan for myself. I realized how important it is to take care of my body for Christ. I need a spirit of humble joy and love for myself in order for me to fully walk with Christ and love the people around me.
If you find yourself slipping into a dark and hateful hole I pray that God grabs hold of your hand and starts telling you how to love yourself. Take some time to indulge in a talent or gift that God has given to you, make better choices for your body, do something that brings your heart true joy! Loving ourselves in Christ and living out the full glory God intended for us is one of the greatest ways we can worship Him and show thanksgiving! Love yourself, because believe me, you're someone worth loving!
This past weekend I was once again struggling with my anxiety, and it was pulling me fast into the hole mentioned above. And, if I'm honest, I didn't really put up much of a fight. And it was making it difficult for me to love or appreciate anyone around me, especially my fiancee. Then God put lyrics into my heart from a musical I enjoy. A man, still hurt from his break-up with his ex, tells her, "You'll never share your love until you love yourself". This was confirmed by what I read in a book titled Waking the Dead by John Eldredge that explained that loving yourself and appreciating everything that God put into you and living from your whole heart actually brings glory to God.
Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own. You were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies (NIV)". Paul is speaking of sexual immorality here but I have to believe there is more to it than just that. He says our bodies are temples, and we must honor God with them. Is it honoring to God to sit on my but all day and indulge in everything unhealthy to ruin the body that He gave me? Is it honoring to sit around and nit pick every negative detail of my so there is no sense of beauty to me whatsoever? I have to think that the answer is no. I'm not my own, I was bought with a price, so I need to take care of myself. Proverbs 4:23 speaks of the importance of the heart of a person, saying, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it (NIV)". If my heart is empty of love for myself, how can it hold love for others? And if my heart is empty, haven't I failed to protect it? It sure is hard to do anything when your heart feels empty or sad. We need to love ourselves, specifically, we need to love the person we are with Jesus. Don't love the old self for it must die and it is worth nothing without Christ. But the self who seeks to serve the Kingdom and holds the Holy Spirit within them, the self that loves and appreciates everything that God has blessed them with (body, soul, spirit, gifts, talents, interests, etc.), that self must be loved in order to love God and others.
With this new message in mind yesterday, I took the time to sit down and start playing the piano and singing again. It's been a while because, with my anxiety, there's not a whole lot I feel motivated to do. If only I could describe how my spirit came alive, the joy that filled me that had been missing, and the intense love for God I felt I would. I felt like a whole new person as I taught myself a new song on the piano and sang, utilizing the talents and interests that God gave to me! And then today God charged me with taking better care of my body, motivating me to make better choices in what I eat and creating an exercise plan for myself. I realized how important it is to take care of my body for Christ. I need a spirit of humble joy and love for myself in order for me to fully walk with Christ and love the people around me.
If you find yourself slipping into a dark and hateful hole I pray that God grabs hold of your hand and starts telling you how to love yourself. Take some time to indulge in a talent or gift that God has given to you, make better choices for your body, do something that brings your heart true joy! Loving ourselves in Christ and living out the full glory God intended for us is one of the greatest ways we can worship Him and show thanksgiving! Love yourself, because believe me, you're someone worth loving!
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Love is Hard
What do you think about when you hear the word love? Do you think of fairy tale endings, romance, affection? Or do you think about families together, mothers and their children, fathers wrestling with the young ones? What about friends talking and laughing together? Do you think of smiles, laughter, a warm contentment in your heart, a feeling of belonging? Love certainly has all these aspects to it. But how many of us think of arguments, looking into the eyes of someone you care about after they hurt you, commitment through really tough times, telling someone about what you did to them and apologizing?
When we consider love we tend to think about all the positive aspects of it, but often forget that it comes with pain. How many of you have heard the saying of, "If it's meant to be it will be easy". This is such a lie told to us by the world. Even Christians can be guilty of believing that if we love God everything will be easy, including love. What we often forget is that there are two types of love for everyone that we can love: conditional and unconditional love. Conditional Love is when we seek the positive feelings for ourselves, when we love someone because they show love to us. It's easy to love my fiancee when he's serenading me with one of my favorite songs! He did something for me and I feel great. However, when he hasn't called me in two days my earthly self often says, "I'm not going to give him anything until he shows me love." How many times do we find ourselves doing that? Think about your relationship with your parents when they're annoying you, your best friend when you feel they've wronged you, or when the person you love hurts you. Many of our earthly ideas of love center around the idea of conditional love.
God asks us to go a step higher and follow His model through Christ of Unconditional Love. What is unconditional love? Just read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (NIV, emphasis added)." I don't know about you, but the first time I read this I thought, "I'd love to be loved like this! This is how God loves me." It's true, this is how God loves us, but if you're like me you'll notice how the desire was on being loved that way. Here's a challenge, try reading these verses when you're angry at someone you care about. Can you love them that way? Again, if you're anything like me you're probably thinking what I'm thinking, "Love is hard". And guess what, this is how God wants us to love not only Him, but everyone He's entrusted to us, even complete strangers! Consider this, if you're realizing that love is hard remember that God loves all of us like this, no matter what we've done! Talk about hard! My fiancee is pretty good at most of this with me, it's truly amazing sometimes. He loves me like Christ and that's one of the greatest things I adore about him. But I also get a little jealous sometimes, wishing I could love him just like he loves me. God has shown me to trust Him and He will teach me.
Are you thinking, "God, how am I going to do this? You're asking too much of me!"? I know I have! However remember this, if you have declared your life to Jesus then you are a work in progress. I repeat, you are a work in progress. God doesn't expect you to be able to do this right away. He knows we have to practice it, which is why He's going to give you plenty of opportunities! Just the other day I was upset with my fiancee. I was firmly holding my ground and saying that I wouldn't budge until he showed love to me. Self-seeking, conditional love. But God wouldn't let me get my way and instead instructed me, "Go over to him and kiss him right now". I resisted for a moment but God knew I had to learn a lesson and wouldn't let me off the hook. So I obeyed. I went up to my fiancee and gave him a loving kiss. And you know what was crazy, I felt my anger melt away and what replaced it was feelings of love toward him.
So how do we practice unconditional love? Here are a few of the things that God has shown me (and I still have a lot of practice to go so this is as much for me as it is for you):
When we consider love we tend to think about all the positive aspects of it, but often forget that it comes with pain. How many of you have heard the saying of, "If it's meant to be it will be easy". This is such a lie told to us by the world. Even Christians can be guilty of believing that if we love God everything will be easy, including love. What we often forget is that there are two types of love for everyone that we can love: conditional and unconditional love. Conditional Love is when we seek the positive feelings for ourselves, when we love someone because they show love to us. It's easy to love my fiancee when he's serenading me with one of my favorite songs! He did something for me and I feel great. However, when he hasn't called me in two days my earthly self often says, "I'm not going to give him anything until he shows me love." How many times do we find ourselves doing that? Think about your relationship with your parents when they're annoying you, your best friend when you feel they've wronged you, or when the person you love hurts you. Many of our earthly ideas of love center around the idea of conditional love.
God asks us to go a step higher and follow His model through Christ of Unconditional Love. What is unconditional love? Just read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (NIV, emphasis added)." I don't know about you, but the first time I read this I thought, "I'd love to be loved like this! This is how God loves me." It's true, this is how God loves us, but if you're like me you'll notice how the desire was on being loved that way. Here's a challenge, try reading these verses when you're angry at someone you care about. Can you love them that way? Again, if you're anything like me you're probably thinking what I'm thinking, "Love is hard". And guess what, this is how God wants us to love not only Him, but everyone He's entrusted to us, even complete strangers! Consider this, if you're realizing that love is hard remember that God loves all of us like this, no matter what we've done! Talk about hard! My fiancee is pretty good at most of this with me, it's truly amazing sometimes. He loves me like Christ and that's one of the greatest things I adore about him. But I also get a little jealous sometimes, wishing I could love him just like he loves me. God has shown me to trust Him and He will teach me.
Are you thinking, "God, how am I going to do this? You're asking too much of me!"? I know I have! However remember this, if you have declared your life to Jesus then you are a work in progress. I repeat, you are a work in progress. God doesn't expect you to be able to do this right away. He knows we have to practice it, which is why He's going to give you plenty of opportunities! Just the other day I was upset with my fiancee. I was firmly holding my ground and saying that I wouldn't budge until he showed love to me. Self-seeking, conditional love. But God wouldn't let me get my way and instead instructed me, "Go over to him and kiss him right now". I resisted for a moment but God knew I had to learn a lesson and wouldn't let me off the hook. So I obeyed. I went up to my fiancee and gave him a loving kiss. And you know what was crazy, I felt my anger melt away and what replaced it was feelings of love toward him.
So how do we practice unconditional love? Here are a few of the things that God has shown me (and I still have a lot of practice to go so this is as much for me as it is for you):
- Find out what makes someone you care about feel loved and do it, especially when you're upset or disappointed in them. Do this for your mom, your best friend, your brother, your grandpa, your person.
- When someone you care about isn't showing you much attention, instead of holding out on them meet them. Sometimes it can be a text or phone call saying you miss them or are wondering how they're doing.
- When you're upset with someone you care about consider yourself before judging them. I sometimes get on my fiancee for being prideful, but recognizing that I can struggle with that too helps me to remember let go of small things.
- If someone you care about is a Christ follower but is sinning try separating the sin from the person. This is what Paul encourages us to do because the two ARE separate.
- Pray for people you care about when you're mad at them. Ask God to be with them and bless them, and ask Him to help you see that person the way God sees them.
- Remember, love is an action. If you aren't feeling loved, step up and do something thoughtful for someone else. It's an even better feeling to make someone else feel loved!
- Recognize the things people do for you that they consider love and appreciate it. Also, don't be afraid to suggest things that will make you feel good. Love is best when it's a two way street.
- When you're upset with someone, think about all their good characteristics and your favorite memories with them. Don't let the negative thoughts win out over the positive ones.
- If someone you care about truly did something to hurt you, tell them about it. Avoid blame and explain how it felt to you, without bringing up past incidences. Then, no matter if they apologize or not, forgive them and let it go.
One of my friends a few years ago said something really thought provoking. He said that if his wife ever cheated on him that he'd stay with her. This is something that he'd have biblical grounds to divorce her, Jesus even said it would be okay. But he said he'd stay, explaining that he'd done so much to wrong God and yet God still forgave him and walked with him, so he would do that for his wife as well. Wow! That is unconditional love!
Love is hard, and love is work. Love is an action, not a feeling. Unconditional love asks us to love someone no matter how much they hurt us. And love is not just for romantic relationships. If you want to improve the way you love unconditionally, ask God to reveal someone in your life who needs love, someone who will challenge you to love. If you constantly argue with your mother then God might ask you to start there. Or if there's a friend you find yourself upset with often, begin there. Has your significant other been driving you crazy lately? You may want to begin there and start showing love and forgiving them what they've done wrong. Then recognize that you can't do this out of your own strength, just look to the world for proof of that. Ask God to help you and guide you, ask the spirit for strength and discernment, patience and kindness. This is a challenge for me and you. Love is hard, but love is also very necessary. As Paul earlier writes in 1 Corinthians 13:3, "If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing (NIV, emphasis included)." Unconditional love is so necessary that we even need to be prepared for spiritual attack against ourselves and our relationships that we must fight, for it is greatly opposed by our enemy.
My God be with you and help you to love those He's entrusted to you with unconditional love. May His angels protect you, and may the Spirit bless you with wisdom, patience, strength, and kindness. Love is hard, but there's a God for that!
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Overcoming Shame
One of the more dangerous thoughts that Christians promote is this idea that we are terrible, ugly people who should not be proud of or enjoy ourselves because compared to God we are nothing. Certainly God is glorious and is more intelligent, creative, forgiving, compassionate, and loving than any of us humans. However we need to be careful of the trap of putting ourselves so low and shaming ourselves in comparison so much that it actually harms us.
When we sin, many of us probably think "I shouldn't have done that", "How come I can't get this right?", "What's wrong with me?", "How can God love me". We'll turn to God and confess our sin and ask for his forgiveness, but how many of us actually forgive ourselves? God has already taken mercy on us but we can't have mercy on ourselves. It is right that we should feel ashamed when we sin, otherwise we wouldn't seek repentance. However, if we dwell on the shame and allow the devil to use it to speak lies into our hearts telling us that we are dirty and unworthy, we get sucked into a dark trap.
For many months now I've struggled with anxiety. When it strikes it attacks me from the inside. When I'm anxious I have a very difficult time pushing irrational shame away. I've believed that I did something to deserve the anxiety, that God doesn't care about me enough to rescue me from the pain, that other people shouldn't be around me because I could bring them down, that I'm too needy and weak. And even the smallest sin would make it worse. I'd confess it to God but I couldn't let go of it, couldn't forgive myself because I thought I deserved more punishment. Pretty soon I'd have no self-esteem and couldn't see anything in me worthy looking at and loving both from those I care about and from God. Jesus has been trying to show me this week that all these things that I've believed are lies that the enemy used to try to kill my heart. He knows that my body will mess up, that's why He sent His son to die for me on the cross. But He also knows that my heart is good because I love His son. He's shown me that He knows my pain and that it isn't because of something I did, but by things that happened to me. He also knows how much I need people to support me which is why He sent me the strongest and most patient people. Finally, He's teaching me that I've been too hard on myself. Where God has told my heart that it's good I've turned around and told it that it's bad. I need to trust His forgiveness and let go of the shame after repentance. I need to be confident in my heart and my God.
People can sometimes confuse confidence for pride, and some christians don't think we should have either if we're following Christ. The truth is, confidence founded in Jesus is very good and very important. When we are confident in ourselves in Jesus we show the glory we were meant to have when God created Adam and Eve before the fall. When this happens we can love confidently and share the gospel confidently. Confidence says "Because of Christ/God I was able to do this", pride says "Because of my own work I was able to do this, and isn't it great!" In 1 Corinthians 1:31 Paul writes, "Therefore, as it is written: 'Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord' (NIV)." Be confident in the Lord and be confident in your relationship with Him. Beware of shaming yourself and seeing yourself as less than God intended for you. My goal these past few days has been to challenge every negative thought I have about myself and change it to better see how God sees me. I challenge you to do the same!
When we sin, many of us probably think "I shouldn't have done that", "How come I can't get this right?", "What's wrong with me?", "How can God love me". We'll turn to God and confess our sin and ask for his forgiveness, but how many of us actually forgive ourselves? God has already taken mercy on us but we can't have mercy on ourselves. It is right that we should feel ashamed when we sin, otherwise we wouldn't seek repentance. However, if we dwell on the shame and allow the devil to use it to speak lies into our hearts telling us that we are dirty and unworthy, we get sucked into a dark trap.
For many months now I've struggled with anxiety. When it strikes it attacks me from the inside. When I'm anxious I have a very difficult time pushing irrational shame away. I've believed that I did something to deserve the anxiety, that God doesn't care about me enough to rescue me from the pain, that other people shouldn't be around me because I could bring them down, that I'm too needy and weak. And even the smallest sin would make it worse. I'd confess it to God but I couldn't let go of it, couldn't forgive myself because I thought I deserved more punishment. Pretty soon I'd have no self-esteem and couldn't see anything in me worthy looking at and loving both from those I care about and from God. Jesus has been trying to show me this week that all these things that I've believed are lies that the enemy used to try to kill my heart. He knows that my body will mess up, that's why He sent His son to die for me on the cross. But He also knows that my heart is good because I love His son. He's shown me that He knows my pain and that it isn't because of something I did, but by things that happened to me. He also knows how much I need people to support me which is why He sent me the strongest and most patient people. Finally, He's teaching me that I've been too hard on myself. Where God has told my heart that it's good I've turned around and told it that it's bad. I need to trust His forgiveness and let go of the shame after repentance. I need to be confident in my heart and my God.
People can sometimes confuse confidence for pride, and some christians don't think we should have either if we're following Christ. The truth is, confidence founded in Jesus is very good and very important. When we are confident in ourselves in Jesus we show the glory we were meant to have when God created Adam and Eve before the fall. When this happens we can love confidently and share the gospel confidently. Confidence says "Because of Christ/God I was able to do this", pride says "Because of my own work I was able to do this, and isn't it great!" In 1 Corinthians 1:31 Paul writes, "Therefore, as it is written: 'Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord' (NIV)." Be confident in the Lord and be confident in your relationship with Him. Beware of shaming yourself and seeing yourself as less than God intended for you. My goal these past few days has been to challenge every negative thought I have about myself and change it to better see how God sees me. I challenge you to do the same!
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Need Not Walk Alone
This week has been really tough on me, if I'm really honest about it. After thinking my anxiety had been healed it returned stronger and uglier than ever before. And for the first time I found myself losing hope, pushing away those who were happy because I didn't want to bring them down. It wasn't until I was at a wedding calling my sister to pick me up that I realized and confessed to my fiancee, "I can't do this by myself anymore".
You see, from the beginning I've been trying to defeat my demon with my faith in God alone, trying to figure out what sin I needed to confess, what healing I had to ask for, revealing what I was doing wrong and needed to correct. Has it drawn me closer to God? In many ways, yes. However, when the waves are too high and my enemy is too strong, it becomes difficult to see Jesus while I'm taking blows to my heart and spirit that disorient me. I had been encouraged repeatedly to avoid medication, and I believed that taking medication would show that I was less of a Christian because I didn't fully trust my God to come through for me.
Strangely enough, God showed me the lives of some Christian women (and even some non-Christian men and women) whose lives and walks with God actually required and benefitted from medication. Sometimes God needs to show us that while our spirits are saved through Jesus, our body is still of this world even as we attempt to make it a better temple for Him. And since the body is worldly it can break down and require maintenance. He has also equipped men and women to help heal His people through doctors and nurses, psychologists and counselors. And when our damaged bodies stand in our way to a close and intimate relationship with Christ we require healing. From where I stand now, I realize that I may be in a position where medication is required, and trust God that he will give my doctors wisdom to helping me fix my body so my soul can fully seek Him once more. Jesus says in Matthew 9:12 "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick".
If you've been struggling with feelings of hopelessness, you've pushed people away so that you wouldn't bring them down, felt you don't deserve happiness or love, and have felt this way for some time, don't be ashamed to ask for help or consider medication. Jesus wants to heal our mind, body, and spirit. He wants all of you and he is angry that your joy has been stolen for you. He wants a joyous heart for you and genuinely wants your happiness. Don't be afraid to ask for help. You shouldn't walk alone. I'm so grateful for all the people in my life who have supported me, refused to let me push them out of their lives, and seriously and sincerely prayed for me. And especially for my fiancee who has said that he is there for me no matter what. You're not alone!
You see, from the beginning I've been trying to defeat my demon with my faith in God alone, trying to figure out what sin I needed to confess, what healing I had to ask for, revealing what I was doing wrong and needed to correct. Has it drawn me closer to God? In many ways, yes. However, when the waves are too high and my enemy is too strong, it becomes difficult to see Jesus while I'm taking blows to my heart and spirit that disorient me. I had been encouraged repeatedly to avoid medication, and I believed that taking medication would show that I was less of a Christian because I didn't fully trust my God to come through for me.
Strangely enough, God showed me the lives of some Christian women (and even some non-Christian men and women) whose lives and walks with God actually required and benefitted from medication. Sometimes God needs to show us that while our spirits are saved through Jesus, our body is still of this world even as we attempt to make it a better temple for Him. And since the body is worldly it can break down and require maintenance. He has also equipped men and women to help heal His people through doctors and nurses, psychologists and counselors. And when our damaged bodies stand in our way to a close and intimate relationship with Christ we require healing. From where I stand now, I realize that I may be in a position where medication is required, and trust God that he will give my doctors wisdom to helping me fix my body so my soul can fully seek Him once more. Jesus says in Matthew 9:12 "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick".
If you've been struggling with feelings of hopelessness, you've pushed people away so that you wouldn't bring them down, felt you don't deserve happiness or love, and have felt this way for some time, don't be ashamed to ask for help or consider medication. Jesus wants to heal our mind, body, and spirit. He wants all of you and he is angry that your joy has been stolen for you. He wants a joyous heart for you and genuinely wants your happiness. Don't be afraid to ask for help. You shouldn't walk alone. I'm so grateful for all the people in my life who have supported me, refused to let me push them out of their lives, and seriously and sincerely prayed for me. And especially for my fiancee who has said that he is there for me no matter what. You're not alone!
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